TNT: QUESTAYING ESTAY & FLETCHER’S BELELESH

QUESTAYING ESTAY

HERE’S THE DEAL: I FIND IT STRANGE THAT WITH SO MANY UNSOLVED MURDERS, A STRUGGLING ECONOMY AND GANJA LEGALIZATION SWEEPPING THE SENSIBLE WORLD, ST LUCIAN POLICE ARE STILL MAKING TIME TO ATTACK AND DESTROY GANJA PLANTATIONS. SO DIS FLOGG DECIDED TO ASK DENNERY SOUTH MP, EDMUND ESTEPHANE HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT. AFTER ALL, DENNERY TRAFFICS MORE GANJA THAT CASTRIES, ITSELF. HIS ANSWERS WERE SO DELIGHTFUL, I FIND NO REASON TO EDIT THEM OR ADD TOO MUCH COMMENTARY. OTHER REPORTERS JOINED IN THE FUN, QUESTAYING ESTAY ON OTHER ISSUES.EDMUND ESTEPHANE CLOWN

Marijuana is illegal and I, I, I think think everybody should obey the law. The government should provide more jobs and economic opportunities for the people so they don’t, don’t don’t….It’s illegal and, and…IT’S ILLEGAL….

There is a turnaround on the world economy and we (in the last Flambeau government) were doing what we can to keep our economy afloat.

That is why we engaged in all of the things that we did. To make sure everybody would keep surviving.

That is what my political leader is saying. You have a situation where the economy is not doing well and then all the government does is borrow. Ok. When you borrow to pay your base activities, then you are putting your country further behind.

(What alternative strategies does UWP have a local Lois Lane asked)

My party is putting a comprehensive strategy together. One of the things we doing, we started to do was put that direct foreign direct investment together. We have to look for foreign direct investment so that we can get the multipler effect and so on and economical growth. We need to grow the economy.

(Another reporter wanted to know his opinion on Claudius Preville’s challenge of Allen Chastanet’s UWP leadership.)

I’m not too sure what Mr Preville is trying to achieve. But I will say today, in my opinion, the party is trying to stabilize itself and so on and we should do away with such a move.
I’m sure we’re going to sit down and look for all the pros and cons.

Mr Castanet is blamed as a scapegoat in the party. As far as I see he has done everything to glorify the party and bring everybody together and to restructure the party and you know this is just what Mr Chastanet has done.

That’s my opinion. But I’m still saying we’ll sit down and look at the issues and deal with them one by one. I’m sure we’ll have somewhere within the administration of the party for Mr Preville.

Like I said, that might just be my good advice. But I still think we should sit down and think about it. There has been some talk that has gone around but…maybe not the way that I’ve heard that it would have happened.

MUSA ON GANJA TOURISM

JUST TO BE FAIR, WE NOW PRESENT AGRICULTURE MINISTER MUSA JNBAPTISTE’S UNEDITED QUOTES ON GANJA LEGALIZATION/ BASICALLY, IN SPITE OF BEING TEN MILLION ZILLION TIMES BRIGHTER THAN ESTAY, MUSA HAS THE EXACT SAME IDIOT OPINION.

musa

I’m not sure I have studied this matter sufficiently to say anything about it. The issue of marijuana is something that should be dealt with at the level of CARICOM.
Oh, you mean, like regional unity, free movement, free labour and other things that CARICOM has been talking about for more than 100 years but still haven’t really happened? Like that Musa?

Because anything that happens at the level of a single country will impact what happens with travel and so on…

Oh you mean how Jamaica is legalizing the high grade while the rest of y’all motherfuckers sleeping?

And there are a lot of legal issues that should be dealt with at the level of CARICOM.

So generally, that’s the view of the government. And we are pushing this thing at the level of the region.

(How do you feel about the fact that an economic crop is being stifled in a recession while there are bigger criminal priorities?)

I’m not sure there are bigger or smaller criminal priorities. At this stage, it is illegal to grow or use marijuana. Whatever personal view you have about it, based on the laws of the country…we know there is a process at the level of CARICOM to deal with that matter. And I’m satisfied that the leaders of CARICOM are dealing with it collectively. At this stage it is illegal. So my position is that when something is against the law in St lucia, that we obey the law! And that is what…until that changes…so for now I, I, I, I would would advise everyone to continue to obey the laws of the country.

HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED MARIJUANA, DIS FLOGG ASKED BOLDLY

No, I have never smoked marijuana.

CHICKEN!!!

(Another reporter asked him about chicken production. The genius fell right into the trap.)

Well, in the previous Labour Party government, we, we started a process to ensure that our local farmers produce more chicken and in this Labour Party government, we continue to do, to do so.

I think it is an opportunity for many farmers. It’s a six to eight week commodity. And we continue to do all we can to encourage our farmers. Despite all of what you hear people say, we continue to push that our local chicken is better.

(To which we reply that everything you said about chicken is true about ganja, except that ganja farmers have a guaranteed export market that pays foreign currency and local chicken does not.)

BELELESH:

JIMMY FLETCHER SHOWS OFF HIS WATCH TO STUDENTS WHO CAN’T AFFORD BOOKS

JIMMY FLETCHER AND THE FUTURE

Hon-James-Fletcher

“Nyah, nyah, nyahnyah, nyah!”

That’s basically what Jimmy Fletcher said in his speech to secondary school students last week. Most of them are poor and cannot afford to live in the future like him and the rest of his friends in Lab-Flam.

You see, Jimmy Fletcher has the future all figured out.

Last week at the 18th Junior Achievement Awards, he proved it to secondary school students. At least, his words did.

“We are training people for jobs that didn’t exist just a few years ago,” he said, showing a lits of about a dozen high demand jobs that only existed after the internet was created.
Students were astonished. They didn’t get training for jobs that didn’t exist a few years ago. They got trained to either go to A Level and university or go work on the plantation. I mean, go work in tourism.

“Technology is moving so fast that we have to solve problems that we didn’t even know existed a few years ago. Tech information is doubling every year. The things you learn in first year university are outdated by the time you get to the third year.”

Wow, thought the children. Most of us will never go to university. As a matter of fact, most of us will be abandoned by the government after fifth form, unless we affix our lips to some political party’s posterior.

And then, for some reason, he started boasting about his health watch. It’s a sweet watch, in truth. It doesn’t jut tell time. He tells Jimmy how long he slept, how many hours of deep sleep he got, how many steps he took today, his heart rate blood pressure and when its time to poop.

In fact, pretty much the only thng this watch doesn’t do is tell Dr Fletcher that being in government has made him fat. And that gaining weight in government is a pretty good sign that he’s not working hard enough to help deliver the wonderful future of health watches and washing machines that you can control from space with your mobile phone.

I mean, after all, Fletcher’s government forced St Lucian children to buy PAPER TEXTBOOKS at such high cost that it would have been cheaper to get them all X-O laptops loaded with e:textbooks. If they had tried hard enough, none of them would be gaining weight. They would be gray and thin like Obama. Or Mandela. Even Putin is in good shape even though he spends most of the time running around Ukraine with a white sheet on his head and finding new and creative ways to remind Russian billionaires and punk bands that they are his personal property.

Jimmy Fletcher is a fat fake who says all the right things but has done nothing to make St Lucians feel like they are winning the race to make the future the present.

But why am I picking on Jimmy Fletcher?

Kenny is a fat fake too.

And Richard. And Allen. Fat, soft-bellied, rich men who only walk a mile when they are deliberately exercising with their hi-tech health watches on. The kind of men who can’t get anything right, but who get paid big time every time they do more wrong.

THE NIGGERTOWN NEWZ: Now With More Kokolok, Ganja & Diarrhea Than All The Rest Of The News Combined

Welcome to the Niggertown Newz.
Where the truth is so much more important than the facts.

AND NOW FOR OUR TOP STORIES:

CHINESE LAPTOPS SPYING ON CARIBBEAN COKOLOKS

Bois_Bande_-l_Extra_Strong-_100ml

Everyone thinks the Chinese want to take over the world. But do they really? Or do they just want some bwa banday

BREAKING NEWS: China is not putting spyware into the laptops it sends to the Caribbean because it wants to spread its hegemony in the West and flip the finger at America.
China is actually spying on the Caribbean for a far more nefarious reason. Cokoloks. Yes. Peepees.

Currently, China has a hacker base in Guyana called HUB 79, where agents spend all day infiltrating Caribbean peoples’ computers and all night, you know, jock, jock, wacka, wacka, wacka.

The Chinese government established the spy base when they suspected that penis enlargement drugs do not actually work. Sources at HUB 79 confirm that the primary objective of the hacker mission is to confirm that, in fact, men of a certain ‘racial’ persuasion do, in fact, have bigger cokoloks that them. At first, Chinese intelligence reported to their government that Caribbean cokoloks were in fact a whole nuther indigenous creature that lived only in Negmarron’s pants. However, future investigation revealed that the damned things were, in fact, attached from birth.

Now the Chinese want bigger kokoloks, too.

Hence, the reason, they gave your children those Lenovos with free spyware included – the kids are not using penis enhancement drugs yet.

bois a bander

Having confirmed, over the last year, that 12-year-old Neg in secondary school have bigger thingies than anyone in the Chinese Parliament, the Chinese are now embarking on a strategy of feeding Caribbean people cheap food in a long range plan to even the playing field.

The FLOGG has also confirmed that the Chinese are developing a secret plan to buy up all the yams and bwa banday in the islands. Chinese scientists are currently experimenting with new delivery methods for bwa banday, including injecting it directly into the balls.

Chinese economists have also detected an inverse correlation between penis size and collective economic power, but are unwilling to do anything that might accidentally make the islands richer, preferring instead to endure a more prolonged period of Kokolok Disadvantage.

AGRICULTURE MINISTER SAYS NO TO LEGAL GANJA

musa

Agriculture Minister Musa Jn Baptiste may be a liar but he is no hypocrite.

“Have you ever smoked weed?” he was asked as he entered the last sitting of the house.

“No,” he said, straight-faced and unblinking.

LOL.

Although he could be telling the truth.

I mean, just because police once stopped his vehicle and found endless pongs of ganja, does not mean Musa smokes it. He might be the kind of disciplined guy who never gets high on his own supply.

Not to mention that he wasn’t driving.

But then, what sane drug dealer in government would ever drive his own car while his own illegal drugs were in it?

Asked whether he supported legalizing ganja, Musa seemed to say he preferred his friends to load his van with illegal rather than legal weed by responding, “I’ve always said this is a regional matter, one we have to decide collectively.”

Yeah. Like the way St Lucia declared free movement of labour. Real collective.

But at least, it’s not hypocris..waaaaiiiitttt…..

Lemme read that story again and get back to you.

 

JADIA JN.PIERRE: THE QUESTION, THE ANSWER, THE IRONY

NATURE GIRL, ‘RAS JULIET’ REFUSES TO ANSWER THE GANJA QUESTION 

jjp

In related news, does Jadia Jn.Pierre prefer second hand smoke to actual high grade?

Press Secretary Jadia JnPierre may often seem eager to ask questions that she does not know the real answer to.

But on Tuesday morning before the sitting of the House where Labour proved, once and for all, that they are no better than Flambeau, The Nature Girl made a startling turnaround when she refused to answer a question that everyone knows the answer to.

The question: Marijuana.

The answer: No, I eh answering that.

The irony: That a young progressive St Lucian who has smoked so much second hand weed in her life that she married some of the best looking, most upstanding dreadlocks in the entire OECS will not be open and honest about her true opinion on ganja.

I mean, look at her: She is two pods of Ti Cacoa away from being called Empress. She’s practically Ras Juliet. And yet, she will not speak, much less die for Ras Romeo Bongo Imman I.

After dodging the joint, Jadia then went on to answer endless questions from the media about the industrial dispute between the firemen and the government, in spite of the fact that when it comes to the workers’ struggle, she is basically a blonde cheerleader for the rich kid’s football team.

Jadia then spent the rest of the day posting pseudo-sexy pics of herself on facebook to help people forget about the problems that Lab-Flam is giving them.

She is also doing her part to lobby the government to make secondhand smoking legal and to rename the Office of the Press Secretary.

The new proposed name for is the Office of Blowing Secondhand Smoke.

LABOUR BORROWS TO PAY FLAMBEAU’S DEBTS

Cover_jadia

When Facebook Star Jadia JnPierre issued a press release saying that Labour was going to parliament to borrow money to pay UWP’s debts, a wave of national confusion bashed the entire island’s consciousness.

I mean, WDMC!

Let them fellas pay for their own debts with our Taiwanese money they t’ief.

Furthermore, if Better Days are Coming, why the hell do we have to borrow to pay for some roads that Guy Joseph gave his brother to build in exchange for a Canadian apple farm in his sister’s name?

The rage of the nation at the bi-partisan betrayal was explained by national genius and head shabine in charge, Kenny Anthony who practically said:

“But if we jail the Flambeaus and take the money back for the sake of the country, what the hell are we going to do when they win an election? No. As politicians we must stick together in solidarity on this. Otherwise, we will have a situation where every time a politician does a little bobol he will have to go to jail. And that CANNOT be right! Leaders should not have to face the same standard of justice as the people. Nowhere in the world does that happen. And you can count in me, it certainly won’t happen on my watch.”

Shaba-Negus is going even further to extend this arm of his ‘legacy’ of protecting corrupt opposition members while looking as though he is ready to jail them.

After it was revealed that he gave conman and pro-HIV activist Rufus Bousquet a diplomatic passport, the Head Shabine Ranking was said to be considering forging a US visa for Richard Frederick, sponsoring a brain transplant for Allen Chastanet, using public funds to buy back Guy Joseph’s Canadian apple farm from his brother-in-law and using his links in China to get a new accent for Gail Rigobert.

headline-4

HIGH COURT SUFFERS MASS DIARRHEA WHEN FLOGGER ENTERS COURT

It was a historic occasion last Wednesday when MotherFLOGGer Jason Sifflet burst into the opening session of the High Court singing, “Me Ready When You Ready” by Alkaline.

Sifflet made himself even more inconspicuous among the dark suited, black cloaked lawyers by wearing a torn up jeans short pants, with a rope tied around his waist, one side of REEF sandals and a Louis Vutton bananda, straight from Vincent McDoom’s “It’s Nice, But I Wouldn’t Wear That Myself” closet.

Chief Justice of the OECS Supreme Court Justice Janice Pereira spoke to lawyers all over the region via satellite in a joint session that created history.

But even more historic was the attack of mass diarrhea which besieged the law fraternity in Castries as Sifflet walked to the front row of the court, sat down and blazed up a big fat post.

“At first, I thought it was a carrot,” said Bar Association President Andy George. “I never saw such a big joomba in my life. Not that I know much about marijuana.”

“We were completely unprepared for a disaster of this magnitude,” said a frank statement from NEMO, the National Emergency Management Organization. “No one could have predicted this. It was completely unforeseen and we are working assiduously to make sure that we are never caught off guard again, especially since we project that this will be happening with much greater frequency in the near future.”

The FLOGG has confirmed that both Justice Cumberbatch and House Speaker Peter Foster QC required a bath and a complete change of clothing after the unfortunate incident. Many of the older lawyers were spared embarassment because they are already wearing Depends undergarments. Justice Belle, being a man of stronger constitution and moral virtue, merely farted.

Younger lawyers, however, were hardest hit by the unique and historic mass diarrhea attack. Many of them already have smelly reputations and the diarrhea threatened to confirm to their clients that they were, in fact, totally full of shit.

Gay lawyers couldn’t tell the difference between the historic event and a normal day.

WHO IS FAT SHADY? THE INTEGRITY COMMISSION’S FAILURE #1

WILL THE REAL FAT SHADY PLEASE STAND UP
PLEASE STAND UP
PLEASE STAND UP

Louis_Lewis_St_Lucia-450x350

Who is Louis Lewis?

Is he the main obstacle standing in the way of the an audit of Tourist Board?

Is he the cheapskate who refuses to invest Tourist Board money in anything that could possibly get a result?

Is he the moron who approved of $40,000 in Spanish brochures and hundreds of thousands in travel and accomodation to go to a Portuguese speaking country?

Is he all of the above?

Will the real Fat Shady please stand up?

Please stand up.

Please stand up.

Louis Lewis has facilitated budgetary bullshit at Tourist Board since the beginning of time.

Or at least, since he joined Tourist Board.

It’s hard to tell the difference, because there’s narry a Tourist Board exec-director who now cannot be accused of facilitating bullshit. The St Lucia Tourist Board has been an unaccountable cesspit for a long, long time. Any thorough forensic audit will show an exalted former chairman maxing out company credit cards like he flushed toilets. And that was back in the 90s.

But of course, that’s not going to happen, is it?

Why? Because the real Fat Shady ain’t having none of it, dog. All that stuff will just mess with his game.

A real hardcore audit of the St Lucia Tourist Board will expose tens of millions in waste, travel, per diems paid with no receipt or refund, over payments, expensive consultants and, of course, hefty, hefty bonuses to the people who made it all happen at the end of contracts.

Ask Louis Lewis.

Gratuities were at 25% before he came in. Fat, but pretty normal. Last December, Fat Shady’s contract ran out. In the three months during which he negotiated his new contract, gratuities went up.

Significantly. How significantly? Significantly enough to light a nun’s panties on fire?

Not so normal anymore.

Who is Louis Lewis? He is all those things and more.

The most recent revelation about one of St Lucia’s top executives is that the Integrity Commission is looking for him. You see, as head honcho at the St Lucia Tourist Board, integrity requires Lewis to report himself, his money and his assets to the Integrity Commission every year.

But Louis Lewis has yet to decide if he has enough integrity to report to the commission. Or maybe he has already decided that he has none.

sltb dis flogg

FAAAAKE SMIIIIILES!!!!

You see, Louis Lewis is one of about 20 people who consistently fail the integrity test. Of the more than 150 who must report their finances in order to protect their integrity and the nation’s honor, there is that group of chronic miscreants who just doesn’t give a flying fugazi about reporting.

Furthermore, Lewis supporters and detractors both confirm his disdain for tourism research. He hates it when people start digging into the dark, apartheid belly of tourism. He won’t speak to any of them. Researchers contacted by the FLOGG confirm that they felt his hostility (more on the researchers in a future post). Some of them felt more hostility than others.

He never feels obliged to be transparent about Tourist Board’s spending. In fact, he treats everything from the amount paid to artistes to the amounts paid for Brazilian hotel suites as a national secret that the people of St Lucia should never have access to.
As far as he’s concerned, once the St Lucian people give Tourist Board any money, it’s Tourist Board’s money and the people of St Lucia don’t have any thing to do with it anymore.

To hell with them. Why the hell should he be accountable to a bunch of uneducated negroes who don’t understand that there is no difference between servitude and slaver?

Why the hell should he put himself in trouble by reporting to the Integrity Commission? It’s not like they are a threat to him. They’re powerless against everyone who fails to report.

And it’s not like they have money or power….

All those fools have is integrity. (And look where it got them.)

paxton_baker_pimping

LOUIS LEWIS’ BFFF, VIAGRA BOY. LIVING LARGE @ WINDJAMMER LANDINGS

SLU TO ST THOMAS via MIAMI: The Lorne Theophilus Legend

 MIAMI, BITCH!!!

kiss my butt

Prime Minister Kenny Anthony and Tourism Minister Lorne Theophilus showing off that they wasted our money travelling to England to do nothing in particular.

Tourist Board has a forty-something million dollar budget. But they never have money to invest in anything that might benefit St Lucia. It seems like bullshit, but there are very good reasons why a statcorp that is basically a slush fund for nothing never has money to invest.
We, uh, kinda, just don’t know what they are, because tourism board’s top dog, Louis Lewis, just won’t tell. National secrets, you know. Like how much they pay for jazz artistes. Confidential. Eyes only.

Sigh.

People think The FLOGG is on Tourist Board’s ass because we are offended by corruption, waste, nepotism and negligence. NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

The real fact is that Jason Sifflet is just jealous of Lorne Theophilus. I mean, if you were a born loser like Jason, you’d be jealous of the ministerial majesty and genius that is Lorne Theophilus, too.

It must be so cool to be the Tourism Minister of St Lucia.

Fresh off an VIP trip to St Lucia Day in England, Lorne is scheduled to fly out to St Thomas next. And instead of going via Antigua, Little Boy Bluecum (or Johnny Bravo, as he is known to his friends) is first classing it to the Virgin Islands via Miami.

That’s right.

Miami, bitch!

I mean, at this point, it’s like John Fogerty wrote that song “Fortunate Son” about Lorne Theophilus.

The recent St Lucia Day affair in England was a triumph for Lorne and his friends in Tourist Board who had absolutely nothing to do with the shut down of The FLOGG Blog.

As always, the British-based staff of Tourist Board could handle everything to do with St Lucia Day. It’s not rocket science. It’s a standard presentation that is the same every year.

This year was no different. In more ways than one.

In spite of having nothing significant to contribute to the St Lucia Day event, the tourism minister, Louis Lewis, Tracy Arnold and others from the Tourist Board got themselves some first class tickets and expensive hotel rooms, nice rentals and other perks.

To help justify the expenditure, they also spent endless thousands bringing the Honourable Kenny D Anthony along for the ride. The Most Honourable One was so grateful that he gave a speech in which he pressed his virgin lips against the hemarrhoids of Lorne and all the unnecessary people at Tourist Board for the efficient and unaccountable way that they blow away tens of millions in borrowed cash.

Lick. Wipe.

Lol.

So now the recent St Lucia Day was not only the festival of ass-kissery that it usually is….

It was also a day for gratuitous hand-jobbery.

Such faggotry. Such kakalakery.

Such concentrated focus on good government.

What more do we want from the minister of the largest economic sector in St Lucia?

 

TELL THE INTEGRITY COMMISSION TO KISS OUR ASS

Lucian Politicians and Professionals Can Give the Integrity Commission The Finger With No Consequences

This article and several to follow will detonate like Aime Cesar and Martin Carter poems. It will fuck many powerful people up the ass in a righteous way. I promise.

But the introduction is kinda weird. Just keep reading. You trust me, don’t you? If you don’t, then you don’t belong here.

THE PRAYER BOMB

I don’t have many good memories of marriage. Or at least, the good ones are drowned out by the bad ones. All my good memories are of my children.

Except The Random Prayer Bombers.

My wife and I created a futuristic bunch of Mama l’Eglise, based on my mother, my Aunty Martha and their Seventh Day Adventist prayer group. The real prayer group had some special techniques. They would pray for the crime-ridden city of Castries street by street, every lunch time, for days, maybe weeks, until they had covered every street in Central Castries and Marchand. They prayed with laser-tight focus.

The Random Prayer Bombers were like them, except taken to an extreme. Random Prayer Bombers would ambush sinners with holy water in the street, surround young girls in poompoom shorts and pray for their stupid asses and lay in wait in the shadows for robbers to pass by so that they could jump them and anoint them with olive oil.

One day, I’m actually going to find time to write that.

In the meantime, I’m building an integrity bomb in real life. And the people who should be reporting to the Integrity Commission of St Lucia are helping a whole lot.

They are making it really easy to blow some of them away.

THE BETRAYAL OF DEMOCRACY: A LOVE STORY GONE WRONG

We don’t have many good memories of the marriage of leadership and the people in our democracy.

This marriage has screwed up the lives of generations of children in St Lucia. The Integrity Commission was set up by the Kenny Anthony government to ensure that politicians would report all their earnings to the people while they were in office.

The IC was supposed to usher in an entirely new era in St Lucian politics where it was practically impossible to get away with corruption. It was supposed to make the abusive marriage between government and the people more honest.

It all sounded so good at the time.

Of course, it all went horribly, horribly wrong.

Otherwise, how the hell would we have gotten into this situation? How the hell did waste and corruption become one of the top three biggest bills to the government and people of St Lucia, in the era of the Integrity Commission. Only the national food bill and the national energy bill are higher. How did decent hardworking Negmarron end up in this African republic bullshit?

I’ll tell you how. And why.

It’s because this marriage sucks, that’s how. No, wait, that’s why. Here’s how:

When Kenny Anthony’s Labour bowled out Flambeau in 1997, the new husband of Lucian democracy promised that everything would be different. He promised no more abuse, no more stealing money from the family account to buy crack or cars or whatever, no more nonsense. He got down on his knees, told Helen that she was special and deserved better than what anyone gave her.

We all know how that turned out. Within two and a half years, we had Rochamel and by 2006, cost overruns had turned the decimated, disorganized fools of Flambeau into a fiefdom of Forty Feeves. I mean, into a team of political winners.

Of course, that turned out even worse. So we went back to Labour. Of course, that is turning out even worse.

I’m depending on you to at least begin to see a pattern here.

Perhaps we need to go a little deeper. Don’t worry, I’l keep it simple. Real simple.

It’s safer to simply not report to the Integrity Commission than to report, even if you are not a corrupt politician.

There it is. That’s it. You don’t even have to read any further. But I have nothing better to do, at this ungodly hour so I’m gonna write some more.

You see, the way Kenny and Lab-Flam set up the vibe, if you, as a clean politician submit your personal financial information to the Integrity Commission and they find some glitch or error, you could face a penalty for misreporting.

And you’re innocent, eh….

But if you, as a corrupt politician simply do not submit anything to the Integrity Commission, if you give them the finger and spit on their worthless authority, showing them that you know them for the worms that they are….

Nothing for that.

No penalty.

No jail. No firing. No expulsion.

Nothing.

Party on, dudes.

Over the next few posts, I will be naming names and giving the culprits and the suspects a shot at clearing their name.

If they don’t, you know how I roll.

You saw what happened to Rufus, right? That’s right.

Funny enough, some of the names on the list of people who totally failed the Integrity Commission’s test recently are some of the same names of the people who are suspects in the recent wrongful shut down of St Lucia’s most beloved/reviled blog.

Suspects, mind you. We haven’t convicted them yet.

However, in the relentless pursuit of the perfection of pawol jettay, DIS FLOGG will now name one name.

Just one name.

Who totally failed the Integrity Commission’s test.

One name.

Who will be a target of the Integrity Bomb.

We have him locked.

Just waiting to enter the launch codes.

Are you ready, Louis Lewis?

I know you’re not afraid. I don’t have enough money to scare you. All I have is some numbers and words, colliding with each other in the nuclear core of my brain.

Nothing to be afraid of at all.

IS LORNE THE NEW HEPPLE?

Or Is He Hepple & Ti Chas Combined?

hepple scapegoat

Labour bitched about him, Flambeau threw him under the bus. But years later, Tourist Board still sucks and it ain’t Hepple’s fault.

Remember Hepple?

That tourism consultant that Allen Chastanet caused to descend from the sky to run St Lucia’s Tourist Board? Remember how the Labour Party cried tears and foul for every move that Hepple made, until it became clear that Hepple himself made so much more sense than Chastanet that the two of them couldn’t be friends anymore?

Remember Hepple?

St Lucia’s Minister of Tourism Lorne Theophilus was supposed to be something different than Allen Chastanet and Hepple. But hear that:

He’s driving Hepple’s car.

No.

Worse.

He made them trade in the car Hepple drove to get him a new one.

You think that’s right?

You think that’s right?

In this five year long guava season, Little Boy Bluecum elected to spend more money on a luxury vehicle for himself. It’s not as though he doesn’t have a vehicle, for which he receives a generous travel allowance. It’s not as if he is Never See Come See: he was born rich and never drove anything but luxury vehicles before he got into government.

lorne my daddy

Little Boy Bluecum and his partner Sigz

This brother left university and in no time, he owned a plane.

A plane.

So why did Lil Boy Bluecum feel the need to sell Hepple’s vehicle, the one that his party complained so much about when they were in opposition? Why did he spend money we don’t have on a new vehicle?

For the same reason he blowing away money at a trade show that will probably yield no result.

How much did that vehicle cost the St Lucian tax payer, Lorne? Tell us exactly how you justify that expenditure. And tell us what other expenditures you have been engaged in.

Because we believed you when you told us Allen Chastanet was a spendthrift who blew fifty grand in phone bills away, month after month. We bought that.

So now, you have to report to The Boss, We The People and explain how you’re different than him.

ti chas yeah lorne

MERCURY BEACH WAS “TOO MUCH ASS”

BUT TOURIST BOARD IS FULL OF SHYTE

That picture is worth at least four thousand words cos  you have t convert the ass from Euro to EC.

That picture is worth at least four thousand words cos you have t convert the ass from Euro to EC.

“Help!” a friend texted me from the Mercury Beach bash, just a few weeks ago. “I’m being raped alive. Tooo MUCH ASSSssss!!!!!!!”

Deep in the ass-infested foam and fun, he was being swept away by the whirlwind that most people now recognize as the rebirth of Aqua Action. He couldn’t see what those of us who were not buried in foam and splashed in brine could see.

For merchants, restaurants, guest houses and small entrepreneurs, the Mercury Beach bash was better than Christmas. Money rained down on them for the entire weekend, non-stop, in bucket loads.

Standing tall over the success, two of St Lucia’s most iconic leaders, Shazi Chalon and Cuthbert Didier.

Both are unconventional. They can make any suit more swag than the next guy, but they are not suit and tie guys. They just make sure they get results. It’s probably the only reason that nobody has shut them down or shut them out yet. They must have agreed.

Better than Christmas.

That was the most accurate description. But there was a more biting description.

The Mercury Beach Bash was better than Jazz.

It spent less money, made more money and thanks to Louis Lewis and company, it had nothing at all to do with the financial black hole called the St Lucia Tourist Board.

Chalon and Didier tried to get the Tourist Board involved. They didn’t really want anything from them but their endorsement.

But Tourist Board disavowed anything to do with the Mercury Beach bash. In fact, they frustrated the process of getting it onstream. They had reservations, they said. After all, boat traffic between Luci and Laba is deeply associated with the drug trade. They didn’t want their name involved in anything that might have anything to do with bringing drugs into the island.

ELG_2339 - Copie

Oh NOOO! DRUG DEALERS!!! Run for your liiiives!!!! (I coming just now. I going and smoke a joint with my partner Pierre on that boat with TOOO MUCH ASSSssss!!!)

NOW:

RDM means ri de mort, which translates basically into LOL. But I think this is more like a WDM, which doesn’t translate into anything but What de Cordormont!!! (sic). Forgive the misspelling. I’m slightly dyslexic.

Why?

Because everyone in Luci knows that drugs don’t come from Laba to Luci. The drug trade doesn’t work that way. It works the other way around. Laba gets drugs from Lucia.

So if the French want to hold a beach bash, believe you me, they ain’t bringing no drugs. We’re the ones who bring the drugs.

Having suffered a huge embarrassment as a result of dissing the Mercury Beach promoters from Martinique, they now have to put on a brave face and pretend like they are doing something good.

So what did they do?

The same thing they do every time, Pinky.

They spent endless money on a trade show.

And they’re so dumb, they posted pics of it on facebook, so people can see them with their fake smiles, standing in front of thousands of dollars in tax payers money that will shortly be reduced to garbage.

And what shall we get for this expenditure?

The same thing we get every time.

Nothing.

No result at all.

Jut Louis Lewis and Tracy Arnold talking about how tourism marketing doesn’t work like that.

Are you still buying it? Are you buying that Tourist Board is worth the tens of millions we spend on them every year?

For more on Tourist Board’s blague, click these links. Some of them are really funny

https://disflogg.wordpress.com/2014/09/07/flogg-classics-the-joke-about-tourist-board/

https://disflogg.wordpress.com/2014/09/07/donovan-lorde-tourist-boards-scapegoat/

https://disflogg.wordpress.com/2014/09/07/flogg-classics-st-lucia-simply-stupiful/

 

sltb brochures