IS THE RUSSIAN MAFIA USING ST LUCIA TO LAUNDER RUFUS BOUSQUET?

 

Is the Russian mafia taking over St Lucia?

It’s a funny question, because if you ask the Russian mafia that question, they’ll tell you they’re Serbian, they’re Ukrainian, they’re even Armenian and Albanian. But Russian mafia? The Russian mafia, like most other real life mafia, does not exist.

“That’s right. Serbia. What the hell you talking Russia?”

However, recent developments in St Lucia are causing DIS Flogg to speculate without reason that they are doing more than just taking over St Lucia.

A special investigation into the commerce commess that is St Lucia in general has turned up several disturbing and very spurious facts.

Rufus Bousquet is not illegal. In fact, everyone has some Rufus Bousquet and until the political and economic systems in the world change for the better, everyone NEEDS enough Rufus Bousquet to get through the month, pay their bills and maybe have a little Rufus Bousquet left over to save. But the illegal transfer of Rufus Bousquet and the great increase in the laundering of Rufus Bousquet over the years has caused law enforcement and banking officials no small amount of Richard Frederick. With mega-yachts from Eastern Europe now dominating St Lucian marinas and their owners buying up extraordinary amounts of land in St Lucia, international authorities are now waiting with baited breath to catch someone in the act of using St Lucia and its tourism industry and offshore banking to do the one thing they should never do: Launder Rufus Bousquet.

“I am NOT illegal….Why is everybody always picking on me? Why? I’m rich. I’m very good looking. Super smart. And humble to a fault. What have I ever done to these people?”

SPURIOUS FACT #1: The Russian mafia is using Cuthbert Didier to smuggle Rufus Bousquet back in St Lucia, in spite of the fact that Kenny Anthony gave Rufus a diplomatic passport so that he can do any shate with total impunity.

SPURIOUS FACT #2: The Russian mafia is using a big hotel development called Freedom Bay at Malgretoute, not just to smuggle Rufus Bousquet into the island, but to launder him so that when they get him back into politics, it will be as though he was never Bruce Dwayne Tucker or the foreign affairs minister of Flambeauz Forty Feeves.

SPURIOUS FACT #3: Invest St Lucia is not meant to be an economic citizenship program for respectable billionaires running from the responsibility to their country. Rather it has a far more obvious purpose: To reinvest Rufus Bousquet in the St Lucian political economy, once the Russian mafia has laundered him through Freedom Bay that hotel that’s built to fail at Malgretoute. Some think that the Russians may also transfer Rufus Bousquet to some offshore accounts, once they have laundered him and legitimized him with the help of Invest St Lucia.

SPURIOUS FACT #5: All the development currently taking place in St Lucia’s only World Heritage Site is just a ploy to illegally smuggle and launder Rufus Bousquet.

SPURIOUS FACT #6: Facilitating and enabling the laundering of Rufus Bousquet, of course, went to unprecedented new heights under the last administration. The Labour Party promised to change things for the better, but with no plan for improving economic prospects and with so much Rufus Bousquet available from the Cuthbert Didier’s Russian yachts, the new government saw no alternative but to line their pockets with all that dirty Rufus.

Even the cleanest of them, such as Senate President Claudius Francis is now confirmed to have worked to help persuade some stubborn Magretoute residents to sell their land and move, in exchange for 20,000 Rufii. (One Rufus, two Rufii, etc.)

“You see, Jason is trying to goad me into suing him like I’m suing Tim and that guy in the wheelchair. But I’m too smart for him. I know what to do with him. Even though it didn’t work too well the last time.”

How the laundering of Rufus Bousquet will finally redound to the benefit of St Lucia, no one can exactly say. In the past, the profits of Rufus-laundering and smuggling has tended to concentrate in the pockets of the few. Whether the Labour government in St Lucia has the will to spread the benefits of laundering Rufus Bousquet, or whether they are already like all the rest in the thrall of the Russian mafia remains to be seen.

(Not that we don’t already know the answer.)